Motorcycle Joke Thread.... - Page 2 - BMW K1600 Forum : BMW K1600 GT and GTL Forums
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post #11 of 14 Old 03-05-2018, 09:46 PM
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I installed an Ecobee smart thermostat Friday. It has Alexa.

Every time I go past it I ask Alexa to tell me a joke.

Alexa doesn't know any motorcycle jokes, I am afraid.

1984 Honda V65 Magna
1985 BMW K100RT
2011 BMW K1600GTL - gone
2018 BMW K1600GTL
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post #12 of 14 Old 03-06-2018, 12:39 PM
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Golf joke?
A guy went out to play a round of golf by himself. It didn't take long to catch up with the foursomes ahead of him but there was another solo golfer just ahead of him and they decided to play as a twosome because of the wait. The other golfer was a stunningly beautiful woman and the man didn't mind at all and they had a very pleasant round of golf. At the end of the round the lady asked him to give her a hand with her clubs. She said she must of tweaked her back and it was a little sore. Being the gentleman he was he obliged. She asked him to follow her home to help unload the clubs and he again obliged. Once at her house......ya'll know what that turned into. Once back home the man's wife asked him why he was so late. He said he was playing solo, caught up to a stunningly beautiful woman, helped her with her clubs both at the golf course and at her house, things got out of hand and he had sex with her. His wife glared at him for a long time and then shouted: Stop lying to me! You played another round of golf, didn't you!

'12 KGT Verthrillin' Red
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post #13 of 14 Old 03-06-2018, 01:53 PM
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I posted this one before but it is kind of nice so I do it again:

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down the island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."
"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandanna around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a K1600?

Maggy The (male) Swede

K1600B Spezial

Ex. 2016 K1600GTLE
Ex. 2012 K1600GTL

"I may seem harsh on the surface, but in my chest beats a heart of stone"
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post #14 of 14 Old 03-06-2018, 02:56 PM
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Old biker joke inside a true story.

Years ago, in one of my single life periods, I had a horse and would occasionally get together with a group of riders for weekend rides. An annual get together was near Praire de Chien Wisconsin in the late fall. A bunch of us would jump in a van on Saturday night, head into town and would help close the bars down. I found it way more fun to be the designated driver instead of a participant, especially the next morning. One of the gals (Shanna) that showed up to these events could be a lot of fun to be around but she loved giving guys a hard time, especially once she had a few drinks. On one of these Saturday nights as the DD I had kind of lost contact with some of the group but all came back to the van except Shanna and it was getting close to 2am. Someone slurred out that they thought they had seen her go into a biker bar down the street. Oh great! I'm the only one able to walk a straight line or I should say walk so I went to see if she was there and if so, get her out of there knowing how she was plus, she's by herself in a biker bar! I found her in the biker bar with about 5 guys around her. I started working my way over to her and when I got closer I heard her start telling the old joke about what's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a chopper with 2 bikers on it? I couldn't get to her fast enough before she told them that the difference is the bike has two dirt bags on it. I'll be honest, I didn't think this was going to go so well for her or me but they all busted out laughing. Whew!! Maybe it would have been more funny to me if I hadn't been stone sober. It's all fun and games until someone pulls out a back-off whip I got her out of there but it was kind of hard because they wanted her to stick around and so did she but fortunately the bar was closing down, I'm not a very big guy, sober and seriously motivated as I was totally out of my comfort zone. I've found adrenaline rushes like that aren't much fun for me and it took me until the next day before I started to see the humor in that situation. They probably had fun telling the story about the time this little horsey riding guy came into their bar shaking like a leaf and with a high pitched voice he said.....................

'12 KGT Verthrillin' Red
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